ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?
- By Uche Anosike
Marriage is a widely discussed topic that many professionals and religious people have tried to demystify but it seems like the more we are shown, the more there is to be seen and with the alarming rate of divorce, and worse issues springing from the marriage institution, it is not out of place for anyone to ask him or herself the question, “AM I REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?”
The above question is rarely asked, talk more of answers coming to young men and women who are taking this bold step into a new phase of life. Part of the reason been that majority of young people have defined readiness only in terms of age and other physical and natural attainments such as making money and getting educated. While these are necessary in their nature, being “ready” is more than that. It is a function of some degree of attainment of preparedness with a level of confidence that the challenge ahead can be surmounted.
Take for example a student that has examinations coming up, he/she must prepare for the examinations in such a manner that some level of confidence that the examination will be attempted and surmounted is developed in him/her as a result of that preparation. It then suffices to say that without preparation, there is actually no readiness.
So in asking the question “AM I READY FOR MARRIAGE?” is actually asking “Am I prepared for marriage?” Talking about preparedness, it is pertinent to note that it is actually the foundation for any successful venture in life. 2Chronicles 27:6 says, “So Jotham became mighty because he had prepared his ways before the Lord his God (NKJV)”. Every institution and phase of life demands a certain level of preparedness from whoever wishes to embark on it. Take for example those who want to gain admission to study in the University.
You must have successfully passed your WAEC with at least 5 credits in your chosen subjects, not excluding English and Mathematics added to a high score of above 200 if you want your course of choice to be given. In the same way those seeking employment into some kind of offices must possess the key qualities needed to fill the desired position. Even weddings are heavily prepared for. Beginning with bridal clothes and showers and food and decorations, and photography. The list goes on and on but sadly the marriage for which the wedding is predicated is not adequately prepared for.
Now there are certain predicates and measures for which an individual presuming to enter upon marriage should check him or herself to ascertain the level of readiness already attained. Let us begin with what I presume to be the most important cadre: THE VISION.
Now what kind of marriage have you envisioned for yourself? A person without vision is a person without direction and how terrible is that. Anything goes, everything goes. That is not a way to enter upon marriage. What are your desires? What kind of woman/man do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? Do you want a spiritual home with a partner that is completely yielded to Christ and is in constant communion with the Holy Spirit?
Do you want an intellectual, someone who can author books and pursue knowledge? Do you want a party type, someone who is not ashamed to have fun? You must know what you want because it is along those lines that you prepare. The law of attraction states that you attract what you have prepared for. Now many people will come across to you on your path to finding The One but your vision and preparation makes the selection easy. You already have the vision of the kind of home you want and when The One comes, you are not confused in the least because both of you will align.
Physical development is a very essential part of the preparation process that has been greatly overlooked and causing severe havoc. This centers mainly on the individual and the way he/she considers him/herself. Looking at the book of Numbers 13:33 when Moses sent out the Israelites to spy out the promise land. They came back with bad reports and concluded that before the giants of Anak, they seemed like grasshoppers. Proper evaluation and appreciation of the physical body goes long to portray how an individual views him/herself in the eyes of others. Someone who sees him/herself as not attractive will never be able to accept real compliments on beauty.
They already have a fixed image and no matter what other people see as attractive in them, they will see it as flattering and on the basis of flattering, true and solid relationships cannot last. You must accept and appreciate the form and structure which you have, knowing that there is someone out there custom-tailored for you and will fit into your life without having to subject you to cuttings. If you’re fat, accept it. Are you slim, accept it. Now, this does not in any way invalidate self-improvement, it rather encourages it. If you feel a need to improve on yourself, please do. Do you need to add weight or shed some weight, please do and in other areas of your physical appearance where you feel the need to enhance, please do, provided the basis of this is not from an inferior view of your body structure.
Having explained the above, there is yet another vital area of preparedness which is mental and intellectual in nature. People study to attain degrees and certificates that will ensure them a better position in life and yet belittle the fact that they need to acquire knowledge when it comes to the aspect of marriage. Marriage which is a life time engagement needs more study than any other aspect of life. Reason being that it is on this platform that those other certificates can find meaningful expression.
Have you taken time to read and learn from men and women who has journeyed before you? Have you had time to identify the challenges that are inherent in marriage and how they have been handled before? Experience they say is the best teacher but learning from people’s experience is a better teacher. You can’t presume to ask for a certificate in a course you haven’t studied. Study to show yourself approved, Paul tells Timothy in 2Tim 2:15.
Similar to this is a psycho-social analysis. This is very necessary because society and culture has given a bad premise on what marriage should be. A lot of stereotypes have been imbedded into the hearts of young people and the effect of this is that many young people are myopic and have refused to free themselves to the vast opportunities ahead of them even right in their very faces. If you intend to make a headway in your marital destiny, you must find the roots of these stereotypes and destroy it. These stereotypes are cultural in nature and applies to a specific people and community. You hear things like don’t marry from that tribe or marriage into such and such culture is deadly.
These are all lies and must be rooted out. Then comes the social life of the intending individual. Are you friendly? Are you open to new opportunities? Have you limited yourself to only a certain group of people? Are you flexible? Can you adapt to changes? These are important questions to answer because marriage will change your life. Some people are so used to their space and so authoritarian in running their affairs and even though they presume to enter upon marriage, they have not made room for the possibility of letting someone else in on their space and decisions. You must prepare your mind and heart for these evident realities and be in a mood to submit to another person as Paul admonished in Ephesians 5:21.
Emotional preparation is another very vital aspect that needs to be looked at. Emotions are feelings that are neither good nor bad in themselves but acting on emotions devoid of the mind and the will can be disastrous. Human beings are not meant to act based on their emotions only but emotions must be applied to thought and the will which decide how actions should be taken. You must train your will to be stronger than your emotions so you can act or react from a place of strength irrespective of how you feel. This gives you strength to say NO in situations that make you feel good in the interim but are harmful to your person, like yielding to sex and co-habitation before the actual marriage.
Financial stability is another vital area of preparation. Anyone intending to get married should have a steady source of income, or a business project or a potential prospect. These are very vital and helps to give some stability to the relationship. This is greatly emphasized for the male folk who will be assuming the authority and responsibility of the head. Apart from making money, there is a need for financial transparency of both parties.
Nakedness of finances must be implemented to build trust. The man and the woman were both naked and were not ashamed in Gen 2:25. If you are not prepared for absolute nakedness in declaring your assets to your partner, you’re not really ready for marriage. You are already building on a wrong foundation that is set up to fail and that has crushed many homes before.
Finally but not conclusively, when you have assessed yourself and have come to a point where you see in yourself an ability to provide help to someone else, then you are ready. Marriage is not about receiving but about giving without any hope of being repaid. John 3:16 says that God loved the world so much that he gave His only begotten son. Marriage does not hold any hope for people who are not ready to give their all for the other person. You must build a mindset predicated on giving and not receiving, on spending and to be spent for the good and prosperity of the other person. If you are yet to come into this understanding, seek help from the promised Helper (John 14:26) He is willing to not just help but guide you into all the truth.
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